Look How Far She’s Come
“I’ve never had a flower in my room before,” she said, distracted, as if she was thinking out loud. She carried the bud vase with a carnation over to her bookshelf for safer keeping.
Eden’s first ballet performance was on Saturday. As a gift to all the girls, their teacher gave them each a red carnation. It is Eden’s medal of achievement. Being a dancer in our kitchen isn’t quite the same as performing in front of a room full of adults. Even Caleb spent the week paying reverence to Eden’s ballet performance. His sister, the ballerina.
The Saturday morning of the performance I settled into my usual spot in the prayer room. I had been asking God to give me His eyes for Eden. How do you see her, Lord?
You see, the past few months have uncovered new challenges. Our 5 year-old loves well. She has inherent zeal for God, people, life, and anything she deems beautiful (which is pretty much everything). There is a very porcelain side of her — untainted, exactly as it should be. But like any child, she has a heart in need of training. Last summer, we welcomed a 3 1/2 year old in our arms whose history is evident in more than just the 9 month-old’s clothes she wore at that time.
In the same year she learned to use a fork, she learned how to empty the dishwasher. How to color — period — and not eat the crayons came not too long before writing her name. Having a grateful heart piggybacked “don’t touch the hot stove.” Her infant, toddler, kindergartner training has been combined.
Perhaps obvious to others, it took me until recently to realize that we are addressing some 1 and 2 year-old issues in our 5 year-old. She’s a quick study with a genuine desire for obedience, but 3/4 of her life has been outside of our home.
I’ve been a little lost, without any grid. I’m a linear thinker who loves guidelines. Having no biological children as a reference and only friends’ children who have been with them since birth as a comparison, I’ve floundered. Hence the prayer on Saturday morning, how do you see her?
And God’s response: “Look how far she’s come.”
That exact phrase in my spirit. His gaze higher. Or deeper.
Enter the ballet performance, just two hours later. Eden is (literally) half the size of the tallest girl in her 5 – 6 year-old class. Swimming in her ballet skirt, her stance shows no sign of insecurity.
Just minutes before the show started, the girls’ faces radiated, even the most shy of them. Today was their big day. When the music started, smiles were replaced by concentrated looks from counting steps. Eden’s eyes were fixed on her instructor.
Each of the girls clearly knew their part. So did Eden … for the first thirty seconds. But what she lacked in coordination, she made up for in energy. Where theirs were dainty toe taps, hers was an Irish jig. And when they shuffled quietly to one end of the room or the other, she galloped.
Synchronization wasn’t her specialty. They went left, she went right. They moved up, she went back. Girls winced as they avoided head-on collisions with my little African, pummeling herself their way with full dramatic force. Then when they all paused for a gracious plie, my little girl wore the look of Clara in the nutcracker. Her day had come.
Her face shined. She carried the confidence of a child that knows she is loved. This, no small step for a former orphan. And while her performance may tempt me to hone in on the list of developmental mile-markers she needs to catch up on, instead I’m choosing to revel in this. She has come so far.
His words. His verdict. My Father is breathing hope into every aspect of my life. Where 2010 was the year to fall in love, 2011 is showing early signs of the year to discover hope.
I sometimes look at the work we have ahead of us, not just with our current litter — but with two more who will require some de-programming and crash-course training — with dread. But He stops me in my tracks. He pulls me aside, cups His mouth to my ear and whispers: look how far we’ve come.
The girl, who still laments the days where she had “no place to sleep” and no food is learning stewardship of her own bedroom. And sprucing it up with flowers. But more importantly, the orphan who frowned in most all of our first pictures of her, is obliviously dancing with the fearlessness of a daughter.
With that landscape, how can I not hope?
AMEN! Look how far we have come. She is radiant and so are you my friend – so are you. A glorious and brilliant shining light full of humility and grace. I am so proud of you Sara! You have come a long way this year and I praise God for the work He continues to do in you to prepare you for the journey still ahead.
I remind myself almost daily to look how far we have come and not at how far we still have to go with several of our adopted children – I must do that or it would be too hard most days. Undoing almost 3-5 or 9 years of a childs’ life before us is not easy – BUT GOD – as you know my two favorite words. He steps in and in His complete faithfulness heals the brokeness He never asked us to. He simply asked us to say to His children. He simply asks us to point them to Him in all we say and do and HE WILL DO the rest.
Love you and rejoicing in this huge victory for you and your precious girl!
Hugs,
Jill
Oh how this served me tonight! After finishing a conversation with Blane about our inadequacies as parents–I am reminded to look at how far they’ve come and to ask the Lord how He sees–and wants me to see Tara, in particular.
It is precious. What you are doing, who you are raising, and who you are becoming through it. It is precious.
Oh, that’s beautiful! I laughed and cried! =)
Congratulations, Eden! =)
I love all of your posts, for obvious reasons, but this little gem is one of my favorites! Thank you!
I love this post. I specifically love this line:
She carried the confidence of a child that knows she is loved.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this lately as I have seen Meron show so much confidence and it shows even more when both Laura and I are both around….
GREAT POST. GREAT FAMILY….
she is too cute! so inspiring!
I am so grateful that I read your words TODAY. Having just been home a few weeks with my little guys–I have been quite discourage–needing to teach them the basics that you write about. Sharing. Gentleness. Kind words. Basic Behaviors. Motor Skills and etc.
I am so encouraged after reading your post.
Even looking back to this point last year. Look how far we’ve come. We are home now as a family of four. And that is a huge accomplishment.
Thank you for your words.
Love, Megan
She is glowing!
this post brought tears of joy to my eyes. thank you for it.
Thank you!! as the mom of an adopted biracial 4 year old with no biological children either, i’m especially touched by your blog. i did cry as i read it. i know, as i’m sure you do, that our faithful Father knew exactly what these beautiful children needed in a mommy & daddy!!! She is absolutely beautiful & i know you were beaming with pride as you watched her in her recital!!
Oh. My. Heaven. She is…gorgeous.
Wonderful!! I loved the words that Father spoke to you! That was the best part! It is so great when He tells us what we need to hear.
Hi Sara,
Hello and how are you?! My name is Karly, and I am a long-time blog follower. My husband and I are just beginning the process of adopting our first child from Uganda. I’m currently addicted to reading any and all blogs written by families who have adopted from Uganda or are in the process of adopting from Uganda. I can’t tell you how much of an encouragement your blog has been to me! We are still such novices to this adoption journey, I am trying to connect with several families who have tons of hard-earned wisdom.
I was wondering if I might be able to pick your brain on one thing… We are literally just beginning this process. And right now we are trying to decide whether we should use an agency or an attorney. Currently, we are leaning toward using an attorney. Do you have any recommendations either way?? I would love to hear your thoughts!
Anyways, I understand you are busy… However, if you have any time to share some of your wisdom (or direct us to a blog post of yours that may help answer our question?), my husband and I would GREATLY appreciate it! You can e-mail me, if you are able. Thanks again for sharing your story!
Blessings,
Karly
TwoWorldsOneHome.blogspot.com
Karly,
Thanks for your comment and congratulations on your adoption! I do have some thoughts and will email you later this weekend!
Sara
I LOVE your blog, Sara. It is so full of hope and reality and strength in the Lord, I cry every time I read it. You bring God so close. Those kids are so blessed that God chose you and Nate to parent them.
Much Love,
Mary
Mary,
This was a sweet encouragement to me. Thank you!