“Don’t Leave, Mommy”
He whispered this before I left his room tonight. Just moments before he’d said with an ear-to-ear grin “I get to cuddle with Mommy!”
I’ve been hesitant to post details of some of the attachment struggles we had, early on, with Caleb–and likely will still refrain in order to maintain some sense of privacy in this diary with which I’ve invited mostly-random strangers from places like Malaysia and Lithuania.
But his vulnerable little heart’s request tonight was a watershed moment.
Since I first noticed him jump into the arms of a friend-to-me-but-stranger-to-him (whom he’d met in the parking lot) and, not too long after, grasp the hand of a woman who’d simply offered a smile at the farmer’s market, I had a sinking sense we were facing that which most parents who adopt dread.
Attachment issues.
And, I suppose seasoned moms aren’t as susceptible to all the emotions that can come from a child who responds to their mail carrier in a way most children reserve for their parents only. I wasn’t as mature. I’m too insecure. It hurt to watch my little guy find safety in people not yet classified “safe”. Wet kisses on strangers’ faces, no matter how enamored those strangers were with my children, turned my stomach.
So Nate & I hunkered down. We hedged in. We guarded Mommy-Caleb time like the holy grail. And we prayed.
Fast forward 4 months, and we began to see the signs of true bonding. My little guy looking for me among a room full of adult legs through which to weave in and out. He asked for me to hold him at night. And although his friendliness to strangers was still evident, it became tempered — sometimes even with a look first to mommy to see if this person was safe.
And tonight, just 3 days away from the six month anniversary of our “Gotcha Day”, I got a gift from God. These words were no magic bullet indicating our struggles with attachment are over, but they were a simple, sweet reminder that nothing is impossible with God.
Now despite this, and that the process to get to “July 10, 2009″ was wrought with many curveballs, our transition home has been a banner experience. So smooth. But as we talk about our next adoption(s), we realize that we aren’t immune to bumps in the road … and, even more so, that adoption isn’t just another road to “achieve” the American dream of the perfect home, career-path, car and family.
However small it may have been, tonight was a little reminder that nothing is forever doomed. No child is permanently scarred. No situation is too far gone for the hand of God.
And adoption … well, it’s sort of like choosing to put yourself on the front lines of the battle. You will likely see some incredible wounds and even be wounded too, as a result.
But you just may get to be one of the first to spot the enemy’s surrender.
God always wins.
I simply do not understand how I love people I hardly know so much. I know it’s God heart for you coming through me. It’s the only explanation.
I’m so grateful for your beautiful family. The accomplishment and testimony that it is…it’s a monument to hope, and an encouragement for faith.
Thank you for sharing it.
God bless you guys.
YEAH He does.
Wow.
LOVE IT. So joyful to read. I’m so thankful to read this tonight!
These are certainly lovely photos. I agree with you for the most part. In fact, I think that to some extent children who are open to others are simply showing that they are trusting – that they are capable of trust. And, that’s a good thing! It is the children who can’t open up to trust anyone who will be much harder to bond with.
I was startled to hear my Anastasia call every woman she called “Mama” even though I already knew that in Russia the children are taught to call all the caregivers “Mama”….but she’d happily say it to anyone, and treat everyone in the same way.
Why would I think that without time and experience, she would think of me differently? Well – she does now!
Very sweet blog! My husband was a little boy like that – his mom had to read him books about not talking to strangers because he was so friendly to Everyone! When she dropped him off at the nursery at church, he’d run in there and not even look back at her.
He grew up to be the friendliest guy you could ever meet and everyone is family to him. You just might have a super friendly little guy on your hands! I love all of your cute photos!! Keep blogging! 
I remember reading this when you first posted it, and I was happy to see your link back to it on your recent post. I can SO totally relate. We have had our two girls for six months, and they have been the “overly charming and affectionate with everyone they meet” type… kissing the nurses who just gave them shots and trying to hold the hand of the cashier at the store. I know that feeling in the pit of your stomach. But we are seeing much progress, and it is so encouraging to hear of your experience with your son, knowing now what a victory it was. Thanks for sharing – I just love your blog so much! =)
Oh (big sigh): you are HOME and living life with your beautiful girls. (I just peaked — they are beautiful. You all are beautiful!). I felt such joy tonight realizing that He is making all of this worth it in so many lives other than my own. Your life is a testimony.
Thank you for leaving this note — it was a great encouragement to me to see how He has grown your family!