An Army of Gray
I have no time or desire to try and research why after finding just one gray hair, more — all of a sudden — seem to have been emerging across my scalp. While it might seem that I’ve just been blind all this time to what’s been there for months or even years, there has to be some sort of science behind multiple hairs going gray all at the same time. Or I can give into my childhood imagination and just suppose that there is a master conspiracy happening in the thick of my hair follicles where many members of one coup have decided to overthrow the masses all at once. (I suppose thinking that my head is under siege from an army of gray is a lot more exciting than giving into the notion that I am aging.)
Although I kid, there is a little nerve in me that’s touched at any sign of aging … it’s like the tick-tock-of-a-clock reminding me that life is continuing to move on while my dreams of a family have been at a relative standstill.
So, this week when I found my second …and then third gray hair (on top of noticing that one of my eyebrow hairs had also joined the militia) I wrestled with the age-old lie of the enemy that I’m just getting older and “life” is passing me by.
What felt new this time around was the my growing confidence that God’s perfect plan for my life has not been thwarted. Time, prayer and just sitting at the feet of Jesus seems to have made an impact on my heart that has long wrestled with feeling like I somehow landed in the slow line at the grocery store. 2009 has brought with it a tremendous sense of gratefulness to all the struggle … all the wrestling … all the waiting … all the uncertainty. In a sense I feel as if I have been given a ticket to join the ranks of others in scripture — Moses, David, Hannah, Elizabeth, Job — who waited on a promise and in the meantime found that the consummation of their promise, although definitely significant, still paled in comparison One who promised it.
The greatest conspiracy of all that this year has brought is that, although circumstances may communicate otherwise, we’ve walked away with the prize — One that will never be taken away from us. And my plan of attacking the year ahead and the future challenges that this adoption may bring … lift up His name.
The words that God whispered into my heart just a few weeks back:
Psalm 73: 25 Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
Praising Him, lifting up His name with you and for you! What an inspiration you are to my soul. Sometime the wait is overwhelming to me and I too need His whispers of promise of His love for me and my ET child that He will deliver to us.
Blessings! Michelle O from IAN
Okay the gray hair militia is HILARIOUS! They have also invaded my hair…Dang them! What I found to be true, was that I had less than appropriate lighting in my own bathroom….And to my dismay found the first of SEVERAL gray hairs while washing my hands in my husbands office. I must have spent 30 minutes in there trying to find all of the silver hairs…And I too, asked myself- when did this begin? What is happening????
I have since found that it is not a sign of getting older…It is a hair dresser conspiracy. I hate to give you the bad news…They actually color random strands of your hair gray so you have to go back more often for touch ups, so you in fact are actually not aging…Your hair person is trying to make you crazy.
That is my story and I am sticking to it.
On a more serious note-I am sorry you have had such a long road. It is so hard to understand sometimes what God has in store. I have been there in other circumstances, and while it makes you stronger, it does not always ease the pain.
I will be watching for good things to come your way.
“God has plans to prosper and not harm you”
And you will take this long road with you as you become a mom and you will see every moment in your child’s life a little different maybe. (At least I kind of feel like that is what has happened to me…I take in my daughter and the simple stuff…I will never forget the wait, and now I will not miss the little moments we have in eevery day life just being together)
God Bless you
Chantelle Becking
thanks for sharing Sara– I always enjoy your meditations.. if it makes you feel any better– I have about at least fifty grey hairs in patches around my head– probably more like several hundred if I’m honest–
I think stress does give you more grey..